thoughts

I’ve been struggling lately. it’s my own fault really. I realized over the weekend that it is anger and anxiety, mostly, that I am struggling with. I’m not sure if it stems from being subconsciously stressed or lack of stimulation or just knowing I will never have control. I know I will never have control but it is still a rough wrestle of the mind.

whatever it is, it’s eating away at me. I just feel so robbed and defeated by it. I have absolutely no reason to be angry but little things have set me off so very easily the past few days. I will suddenly catch myself getting upset over the smallest of inconveniences and then quickly remind myself how easy I actually have it. and then I get upset and angry at myself for getting upset over the small thing. argh!

I stop, often in mid-activity, and just say “what’s wrong with you?” I know I have every reason to be thankful and grateful and I am. I know I have it good, better than good even. It’s just those moments that catch me off guard and take over.  

it’s silly. it’s ridiculous. and I’m tired of it.

I know what it will take to ‘fix’ this problem. getting back to the basics and drawing closer to God. giving it to Him.

and not getting angry in the process when it still doesn’t go my way.